poeticsoul1988

In Loving Memory....2009

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 01:45:43 GMT

I think of you daily,And wonder where you are,I wonder how your doing and if your thinking of me where you are. I think of you and wonder if you can see me from where you are, I pray for you daily although I am sure that you are doing ok. I miss you deeply and everyday want to cry, but although i want to cry I know that you are doing fine in heaven and doing just fine. I love you Granpa and I miss you!!!!

blah

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 02:54:05 GMT

just trying to get my life straight right now and totally hating it right now, hoping it gets better. Everything is just so messed up right now but, hopefully it will get better. all i can do now is just do what i got to do and take care of myself....

Cant Sleep Again....

Fri, 29 May 2009 10:28:38 GMT

Ugh....Im still awake, cant sleep, Ive been awake for over 24 hours now...It really sucks I keep trying to go to sleep but I have too much on my mind. Maybe I will eventually fall asleep. Hopefully I can get some sleep soon I have so much work to do today....guess I will go attempt the sleep thing again lol. Have a good day everyone

IM GIVING UP, I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE......AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Sun, 24 May 2009 09:45:18 GMT

I am so numb, I dont know what to do anymore, I dont feel anything anymore, i dont even feel sorry when i hurt people anymore, ive been so hurt that i cant take it anymore and i have completely stopped trusting people, men and women both, i dont know who to trust anymore, i know it seems like i am just complaining but i dont mean to, its just i really do think that i need to get this out before i totally snap from the aggrevation. A few days ago i was at a friends house and i found his gun and i was so scared because i was seriously thinking about shooting myself instead of dealing with shit the right way, but luckily i changed my mind, but now im starting to think maybe i should have done it, because i feel that the world will be better off without a screw up like me. I know right if i really wanted to do it i would be out there doing it instead of talking about it but i dont know maybe im uh maybe im just venting, yea thats it um im venting yea....well i dont know what i am going to do but right now there is nobody to talk to about any of this, and its only getting worse and i cant keep living this way, i dont know whatever i guess i will.....oh nevermind whatever.......ahhhh.....this is so fucking pointless.........

ahhhhhhhh.......

Tue, 05 May 2009 21:04:14 GMT

I cant do this anymore....i cant take this.....im not sure what is going on with me anymore, not sure what i am doing anymore....I just want out......Im falling and falling fast.....deeper and deeper into darkness....I dont know if i am coming back but I am scarred of what comes next....

What is Love?

Fri, 01 May 2009 20:04:32 GMT

What is Love ?Does anyone know?There are so many definitions,I dont know anymore, I mean I've been happy with people I was dating and then got fucked over really bad, I know thats not love, but what is it really? Is there such a thing as love or true love for that matter? I dont know anymore, I am afraid to put myself out there anymore because i've been hurt so many times and they all told me they loved me and that they wouldn't leave but then they did so whatever....I give up, Fuck it....

Im done, it's over....

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:13:51 GMT

It's over,
I keep telling you,
You don't listen,

I can't put myself through that pain again,
I can't hurt myself anymore,
Can't deal with your bullshit,

I don't know what to tell you anymore,
I feel so used,
I don't feel like you even cared,

I will not put myself through such pain anymore,
I'm done with you it's over,
You are out of my life ....

By: Sabrina N. Pacella
4/30/2009

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 02:11:49 GMT

"Mixed Signals"

Im so confused,
You tell me you hate me,
Then you tell me you love me,

You tell me its over,
But now you want me back,
Which is it,

Are you just fucking with me,
Or do you really love me,
I dont know what to believe anymore,

Make up your damn mind bitch,
Love me or Hate me,
What is it with you,

I want to love you still but I cant,
I dont want to get hurt anymore by you,
Your love is a drug and its killing me,

Just leave me alone,
I dont want you anymore,
I dont need you anymore,

You are a heartless bitch,
You are prude and self righteous,
You have a cold heart and I hate you,

You are turning me into a monster,
I dont feel anymore,
But what I do feel is cold, lost, and alone....

"Love is the slowest form of suicide"

By: Sabrina N. Pacella

What to feel.....

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 23:11:15 GMT

Thinking of you,
Cold heartless Bitch,
No Love in your eyes,

Thinking of you,
Hatred in your eyes,
Prude heartless Bitch,

Thinking of you,
Makes me sick,
I cringe at the sight of you,

Thinking of you,
I cringe at the sound of your name,
I dare not speak your name for what it might do,

I hate you,
I dont know what to think of you,
I don't care for you anymore,

I just want you out of my life,
FOREVER.....

By: Sabrina N. Pacella
4/23/09

blah

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 05:59:45 GMT

"So many Questions, and no answers"

I pulled you close,
Held you in my arms,
I told you I love you,

I kissed your forehead,
I kissed your mouth,
I looked into your eyes your soul,

I saw pain,
I told you I would do my best to make it go away,
But my best was not good enough for you,

You've torn my heart in two,
I tried so hard to love you,
Was it not what you wanted,

Was it not what you were looking for,
I treated you the best that I could,
But maybe I should have tried harder,

Maybe then you would still be here,
Maybe then I would not be so alone,
Maybe then I would know what I was doing so wrong to lose you,

You did not give me a chance,
Not even a second thought,
You just threw me away,

Was I just a rag doll to you,
A toy,
Was I not a person with feelings,

Do I not deserve love and happiness,
I wish I knew what love was,
I long to be loved,

To know what true love feels like,
I long to be held close,
To be kissed so gently by someone who loves me for me,

Is that so much to ask for?

By: Sabrina N. Pacella
4/22/09

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 19:04:03 GMT

I think of you so often,
It hurts,
I try not to,

I try not to love you,
But its so hard,
Why do I love you,

When will I forget you,
When will I forget your touch,
Your voice your Love,

When will it be over,
This misery I am feeling,
When will this pain subside,

I don't want to hurt myself,
But its so hard not to when I think of you,
I think of what we had once,

I think of our time together,
It makes my heart ache,
I try to forget you,

But I am so lonely now,
Only have my thoughts and the pain is unbearable.....

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:59:43 GMT

Lithium lyrics
Songwriters: Lee, Amy; Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
Oh, but God I wanna let it go

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show
Never wanted it to be so cold
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me

I can't hold on to me
Wonder what's wrong with me?

Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow

Don't wanna let it lay me down this time
Drown my will to fly
Here in the darkness I know myself
Can't break free until I let it go, let me go

Darling, I forgive you after all
Anything is better than to be alone
And in the end I guess I had to fall
Always find my place among the ashes

I can't hold on to me
Wonder what's wrong with me?

Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, stay in love with mmm
I'm gonna let it go

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:39:35 GMT

Today turned out to be an incredible day, well so far anyways, after all it is only about 1:40. I got so much accomplished already, hopefully the rest of the day is a awesome as the beginning:)............

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:06:31 GMT

Today has been a rather interesting day....woke up early this morning and got nothing accomplished because I feel like shit. Had to deal with my ex-girlfriend and got bitched at today for something I did not do. I do not mean to complain, but why do people have to be such assholes. This day is going by too slow I just want it to be over so I can start a new day and hopefully that one will be better. I am tired and feel like crap but tomorrow is a new day right.....

Love....

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:46:06 GMT

My love for you knows no bounds
And one day it will pull me to the ground.
And on my knees I will ask it of you
If you and I could become one, not two.
And if God answers my prayers
When I stand at the alter, you will be there.
I will love you forever, to the end of my days
And each day, to God will I praise.
For sending me an angel, so beautiful and true
An angel so perfect, It could only be you.

Love Has No Gender

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 11:09:16 GMT

I don't understand why people have to be so judgmental of people who are gay,bi,or lesbian. Love has no Gender, So why do people make such a big deal about it, my parents like hate me now b/c i finally told them that i'm a lesbian, so they tweaked, im not allowed at their house b/c im not straight, I dont know what is wrong with some people but whatever im happy with who i am so i dont know why im tweaking. well any opinions on this matter feel free to comment......

EX-GIRLFRIENDS SUCK.....

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 11:37:03 GMT

"YOU MAKE ME SICK"

I lay awake and think of you,
How horrid you really are,
You have a heart of ice,
A voice as gentle as a lioness,

I think of you and chills run down my spine,
The sound of your name makes me cringe,
I think of our time together and gag,
Think to myself how could I date her,

I think nothing of you anymore,
You are in my past now,
Only a memory,
Nothing,

You come to me for help and I just laugh,
Why should I help you,
You are just a memory,
You are nothing to me,

You stupid BITCH,
You think you know me,
Your wrong,
Look into my eyes,

What do you see,
No compassion for you,
No love for you,
Im DONE!

By: Sabrina N. Pacella
4/8/09

just some thoughts......

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 11:13:40 GMT

Sometimes i find it really hard to deal with things, doesn't matter what it is. I have a lot of stuff to deal with and sometimes I just feel like completely giving up, but then I think to myself....What would it be accomplishing?....I would only be saying that I am weak, and I am definitly not a weak person. Yes I have been through a lot of shit in my life, but I cant let that get me down.....

See it took me years to realize there is a lot of bad shit out there, and yes bad shit happens to people, even when you've done nothing wrong to that person. Its a really cruel world and messed up stuff happens. So I have learned from the stuff that I have been through, I don't regret anything that I have done, and I have started to learn to forgive. I have learned from a lot of my past, and I am still struggling to forgive some people for some of the things I have been through, but in time.

I will never forget the things that people have done to me, but I will forgive them for what they have done, its the only way to let go. I don't want to have these nightmares anymore, and if the only way to get rid of them is to forgive the wrong doers then I will. The pain that people have caused me, it is sometimes unbearable, but life goes on, for years I have been so angry, and full of hate, but not anymore. I am done hating and being angry....

feelings.......

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 09:23:28 GMT

"Your Love Was A Lie"

I told you your beautiful,
I told you I love you,
I told you your the one,
I told you I want to be with you forever,

You told me I'm beautiful,
You told me you loved me,
You told me I was the one,
You told me you wanted to be with me forever,

I told you that I would not judge you,
I told you that I think about you always,
But I guess I was not good enough,

You saw my scars,
And now to you I am ugly and broken,
Now to you I am nothing,

Just a Memory....

By:Sabrina N. Pacella

feelings......

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 09:16:41 GMT

"Slowly Fading"

I lay awake on my bed,
Staring at the ceiling,
I wonder to myself,
Whats wrong with me,
Why do I suffer so,
Do I deserve this,
I take my blade,
Look at it for a while,
Is it really worth it,
Am I worth it,
Do I deserve Love,
Do I deserve to be happy,
Am I good enough,
Am I good enough for anyone,
Finally I say fuck it,
I take the Blade and slit my wrists,
I watch the blood rapidly flow from my arms,
I lay down on my bed,
Slowly Fading Away........

By: Sabrina N. Pacella

"Whenever and wherever"

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 06:13:46 GMT

Whenever i see you i want to kiss you more and more,
But when you get close i get too scarred,
Its not that i dont want to,
Its just that its so new to me,
The day will come when i do,
Whenever i see you i want to grab you and never let go,
When i let you go i miss you so much,
Whenever i see you, you always say something that makes me blush,
Whenever i am with you i never want the day to end,
When it ends it breaks my heart,
Then i am happy when another day will start,
Whenever i close my eyes i see you,
Whenever i open my eyes i want to be with you,
Wherever you are i hope that your safe,
If anything was to happen to you my heart would surely break.

By:Jessica Yarbrough

To: Sabrina N. Pacella

I love you!!!!!!!!

"When i first saw you"

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 06:03:04 GMT

The first day i saw you,
I knew i wanted to know you,
The first day i saw you,
I knew i wanted to be with you,
The first day i saw you,
I knew i wanted you to be mine,
Now that i know you,
I dont want to be with you,
Now that i have you,
I realize i dont need you,
Now that iv been with you,
I dont want to see you.

"She said Yes"

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:54:40 GMT

When i first set eyes on you,
I knew you were the one for me,
I wanted to know who you were,
So i asked around,

I finally got the courage to talk to you,
I introduced myself,
Clearly a shy mess,

As i slowly talked to this angel,
I wondered,
What she must be thinking of me right now,

I was a nervous wreck,
Talking to this beautiful angel,
This oh so sweet innocent angel,
As she stood before me,
I noticed a twinkle in her eyes,

I took a chance and asked her out....,
She said yes

" I cut to feel pain"

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:27:23 GMT

I lay on my bedroom floor pondering,
Thinking about the days events,
I lay there staring at the ceiling,
I wonder if anyone would care,
Am i really important to anyone,
Would they care if i just disappeared,
If i died even,
I try to tell myself that they would,
But it only makes it more unbelieveable,
Makes me more depressed,

I take my blade out of its beautiful box,
I stare at it for a while knowing that i need its bite,
Its comforting bite,
I pull up my sleave and place it to my beautiful scared skin,

I slowly drag the blade across my skin,
I feel the sharp bite and want more,
I do it again and again but faster and deeper cuts now,
Finally i am satisfied,
I look down at my arm and start to cry,

How could i keep doing this to myself,
It feels so good though,
Who knew that something thats supposed to be so painful could be so beautiful,
How could my crimson blood be so beautiful,
But its the only thing that i know makes me feel,
But at the same time feel so numb,

I pull up my other sleave and place the blade on my beautful scared skin,
I feel the comforting bite of the blade and want more,
I do it again and again until i am finally satisfied,
I start to cry again this time not stoping,

I put the blade back in its beautiful box,
And place it back under my bed....

By:Sabrina N. Pacella